'ello

First post. I'm not sure that anyone will ever lay their eyes on this, but if they do....

Hi, my name is Rosie. I'm 21-years-old, the proud owner of two cats, and horribly obsessed with becoming thin. I'm not going to say that I'm anorexic, because I haven't earned the title yet. I'm a restrictionist, who hopes to one day feel my cold bones jutting out from every direction possible. I want men to covet me, women to hate me, and above all else, I want to be seen as a perfect beauty.

For (literally) years I hardly ever looked down at my body. I knew what was there, and I didn't want to see it, because if I saw it then that meant that it was real, so I just didn't look. Simple enough, but a few months ago I finally got up the nerve to look down...and oh my! How did I get so ungodly FAT. So UGLY. I've always had problems with weight. And that's what it is, a PROBLEM. So for the past 2 months by boyfriend and I have been dieting (low-carb) and exercising at least five days a week. I've lost about 10 pounds this past month, but I want to keep the weight off, and I want to keep losing it.

All of the people in my life (except for my boyfriend), or have ever been in my life, thought/think I am a failure. I'm unreliable, useless, and not worth their time. Well, for once I am going to prove them wrong. I am going to make them hate me for different reasons. They are going to wish they were me before too long.

My boyfriend lives with me, but he is fairly flightly. I can do things and he'll never notice. I have to maintain the low-carb aspect of my dieting, but I also want to start incorporating low-cal into all of this in order to maximize my losing potential. And when I say low-calorie, I'm not going to promise I'm going to start at 200 or anything....I'm thinking something like 600, 800, 1000 days rotating, in order to keep my metabolism fired up. That's the most common issue I see anorexics having is that their metabolism gets so low that they plateau and get discouraged, and end up binging. I want to KEEP LOSING, so I really don't want that to happen to me.

I do not currently have a scale (gasp, right?), but I should be getting one in about 3 weeks. In the mean time I have to use the one that is at his mom or dad's house. Sadly, both scales are old, and one is even analog... :( The one that is digital is VERY unreliable with the numbers it feeds me, so I've just decided to get my own.

I won't be posting my weights on here for a while because I am too embarrassed about it, but one day I will tell you what it *was* ....when that day comes.

Tomorrow I will post my nutritional counts, and exercise amounts as well. Nutritional facts will include calories, carbs, and fat.


If your eyes find this, I hope that you don't think I'm a failure already....so many fat people just stay fat forever, and never do anything to change themselves. I WANT to change. I WILL change.